It’s been a while since I’ve hopped on Craigslist. The spammers really screwed things up, and I’ve given up on finding romance on the Internet. Alas, boredom beckoned, and I wandered over to my oldstomping grounds, just for kicks. I came across this one post.

To the younger ones (Queens)
Date: 2009-09-04, 1:29PM EDT

Don’t listen to media reports or statistics or studies about marrying later in life… in your thirties, forties. For thousands of years it was about virginity and it was something special…. then came “woman’s liberation” I remember the media campaigns… telling women to get a career first not to depend on their husbands. At the same time came the porn campaign…. Playboy, Screw magazine…etc… Then television had double beds instead of two single beds (like in “I love Lucy”). In the late 70’s, single parent household was not taught in University…. what was taught in Sociology was that the Extended family became the Nuclear family…. so Grandma and Grandpa were not living at home with their kids anymore….(even though I know that in most Ethnicities the Extended family remained intact). Now it is… over 50% single parent households with over 50% divorce….all this progress in a matter of forty years (I am being funny, it is not progress but a decline in morality).Having trusted in opinions of writers of that generation, and coming to the realization that if there was not some kind of agenda to destroy the family… they all must have been just a bunch of magazine and television show promoters with no care for the world and the outcome of the propaganda…. I am surely one that did wait to marry…. and do regret it. Now, it is too late. I don’t care the fairy tales that you may hear from the media about older people marrying…. it is not the same. They must all have stocks in fertility clinics. Marry young, marry young, marry young. When you hit forty…chasing after a toddler is not the same as chasing the toddler when you are twenty two. At fifty this should be your Grandpa and Grandma days. Don’t buy into the lies…. marry young. Marriage is compromise.

I’ve always been a huge fan of the idea of high school sweethearts. I never did buy into the whole business of marrying later in life. Hell, my plan for life was to join the Army upon leaving high school and then leave to become a police officer. Get married by the age of 26 and have kids by 28. I didn’t want to have a huge gap between my kids and I. I wanted to spend as many years with them as I could.

As usual, the best laid plans fall apart. Circumstances change, decisions are made, opportunities are lost. Life happens. But this post reminds me that time keeps forging forward, life keeps moving on. It puts things into perspective. I’m happy for all of my friends who’ve already gotten married, and sometimes, when it’s 4AM and the moon glows through the hazy skies and all I can hear is the wind and distant tires treading the pavement and leaves bumping into each other, sometimes I wonder if I’ve got what it takes to live life alone. I let the hush of the trees silence my mind so that I may fall asleep.

  • Gary

    I always thought that it'd be wise to marry in the early 30s, once you've established a financial foundation to build with, which all have to do meeting the optimal conditions at which to raise the ultimate children with, but that's just me, I guess. Much earlier than that, and it just reeks of rushing into it without the proper preparations (mentally too,) and any later than that, well, then sperm quality decreases (possibly leading to things such as sub-optimal intelligence in offspring, etc.)

    Interesting post as usual, its always a delight whenever a new post pops up. I've been inspired by reading all your posts on this stuff to begin seriously studying evolutionary psychology, now that I have a solid evolutionary and genetics education.

    Hopefully, once I publish my blog, I'll be able to write interesting articles on it as well.

  • That's weird. I just had an open discussion about this same subject in my blog this week. I asked my readers whether they feel like (Estonian) society is forcing them to be "coupled" or to have babies. I got range of answers but mostly we thought that the pressure is there when you look for it. Meaning: if you are happy being single and fabulous then you don't care if magazines are full of stories about high school sweethearts being together and going strong in the age of 50.

    I've always been a fan of experience, I believe that you can't settle down before you've played a field for some time. But it's only me, I don't judge (or I try not to) people who marry young, get children young, and maybe, just maybe stay together with their first love forever. It's a nice thought but I've only seen it happen once… And they were my grandparents (both dead now) – so one can argue, maybe it was because they were raised differently, they weren't so liberal and experimenting with different things (sex for example) wasn't on their plate anyway. One can argue, but one can never know for sure. Maybe true love still exists and maybe you don't have to sleep with hundred men to find it.

  • I mean, fan of experience AND EXPERIMENTING.

  • Mental and emotional preparation varies with culture and on an individual basis, which is an interesting topic to me: what was it like for people back then to marry young? What are the differences between the young people of back then and the young people of today?

    Personally, at age 26, if all had gone according to plan, I would've hit top pay in the police department, which comes after five years of service. Five years on the job is plenty stable, and I would've been earning enough money to support a family in addition to having a decent amount of money in the bank. Plus there's the very decent pension at the end of a twenty year run. Of course, as we all know, that's not going to happen.

    Can't wait to read your blog my friend. Be sure to leave a link when it's up.

  • Hey Daki!

    I'm fully aware of the more liberal culture we have in these modern times. It's entirely prevalent to see the sentiment that one has to experiment and gain experience. That's why every day that I live in this world is a fight for me: I weep for the death of the innocence that comes with a love that is pure and true. I am a hopeless romantic that way I suppose, and though I coined the term "hopeful romantic", it's harder and harder to stay that way. It's not that I judge others who feel that they should sleep with X number of people or that they should have ten girlfriends before marrying. It's just that it's so hard to find a woman who believes in what I believe in. Of course, when it comes time to write about it, I know I come off sounding very judgmental, but what I am really trying to express is that we all have a choice, and it's not necessary to do what everyone else is doing.

    In which case, I am almost certainly going to write up a new post about this!

  • Just came across this. Truly stunning writing.
    Thank you.

  • Thank you Traci for your readership and your kind words.