A letter to you…my bittersweet prince – 21
Date: 2008-02-03, 5:00PM EST
A letter to you…the one always looking over my shoulder-except when i WANT you to look. except when i want you period. A letter to you…who claims to know me….if you know me…wouldn’t you know my voice?
My husband….my man…the right one…who will never let me down, or at least CONSOLES me when he does…who trusts me, loves me…lets me care for him…and cares for me in return…the one who wants me only me and never looks at her…or if he looks he hides it and doesnt let it interfere-i can FORGIVE him for being human…the man who wont forget my birthday. who buys me presents just because…the one who will give me hugs and kisses and help me steal rubber gloves from the doctor’s office….
I was so convinced I met him…but he isnt convinced. Should I be trying to convince him? Should I have to convince him if he’s really the one?..is he giving me everything that my man would give me? Am I too picky? Does it even matter anymore? I think I’ve done more than mess things up. After I type this I’m going to take his pictures off of my desk(all but 1)…I don’t need to stare at him 24/7, that won’t help anything….If it’s supposed to be then he’ll ask for me back…he’ll chase me…he’ll want me….Last time I made the mistake of running to another guy for attention-I won’t do that again. I dont need a guy, any guy. i dont NEED anyone-anyone except my soulmate. once I’ve got him it’ll all just fall into place.Or will it? Will i be happy if he tackles me and begs to have me back? Will I be happy if he kisses me senseless? Will I be happy if you’re him? Or will I just cry some more…IF you know me. IF you know my voice. You’ll call me…and you’ll talk to me. With no history…..no past, no present, no future…you’ll see just me. I’ll forgot the times you let me down, you’ll forget the TIME I lied. I’ll forget how you never wanted to meet my parents….and you’ll forget the day you died…
She who finally KNOWS she’s a Princess
There is such passion in this letter…a deep romance in her words. She has an understanding of what her mate should be like, what her true partner in life should be. She believes in soulmates, so she can’t be that bad a person right? lol
I feel her despair…a little closer than I would like, for reasons I do not understand. Perhaps the way she describes her perfect man is the way I imagine I would be if I met the right woman. She wants to move on the same way I would: picking up where we last left off, without grudges or a harsh memory of past deeds. Perhaps it is the idealism that I agree with. Who knows.
She cheated though…that’s inexcusable. I haven’t ever had to be in the heart wrenching situation of dealing with infidelity, but I can easily imagine that I would not forgive that kind of weakness. Perhaps I could forgive, but to forget? Never. As bad a boyfriend as one can be, there is nothing that can drive someone to infidelity: that is a step that must be taken in full cognizance, a decision made without the influence of another. It is a personal weakness that is indulged, not a heartbreaking move that is forced.
She thinks she is a princess. She takes the philosophy that she is the prize: that is a good thing. I don’t think any chasing should be done…life will flow its way, move along its own path…one cannot force the will of their life, for life is a force great in itself. Our lives are intertwined, and the willfulness of man is as inevitable as it is useless. The natural way of things will ensure that everything falls into place in time.