I often purchase items off eBay. The most popular method of shipping on eBay is via the United States Postal Office. The reason is that their shipping materials are free, they offer free pickup, and you can drop off a postage-paid package in any blue collection box. They have the existing infrastructure to be an extremely convenient and cost-effective method shipping. The problem is when you try to receive packages.

You see, for years now, the mail carrier has been leaving me those peach slips of paper telling me, “Sorry We Missed You!” What a load of baloney: they’re not sorry, and they didn’t miss me. More often than not, people are home when the mail carrier is making her rounds. What the slip of paper really means is this: “Sorry We Are So Lazy That We Can’t Even Ring The Doorbell to See If You’re Home!”

I don’t know exactly what happens, because every time I speak to someone about the problem, my package is supposedly on some kind of truck awaiting delivery. Bullshit. If it’s on a truck, then why does the mail carrier put the peach slip in my mailbox? So either she’s not bringing the packages out, or it’s on a truck that’s parked somewhere while the driver is off reading porno magazines and drinking Mountain Dew. Either way, the receipt of my package is delayed. I don’t care if they’re too lazy to deliver. If they’re not going to deliver it, then just tell me that my package has arrived and leave it at the post office so I can pick it up the same day. Of course, this isn’t the way it works: the official way is that there is supposed to be an attempted delivery. Countless people sit at home waiting for packages only to find that they have to go to the post office to pick it up. The most absurd part is that I was watching the mail carrier and she didn’t have any packages on her, she simply put in the slip with the rest of the mail. She didn’t ring the doorbell.

I was fed up and decided that I would just call the USPS again, despite my countless complaints having gone unresolved. I went through the motions and copied down my case number. I was told what I thought to be a laughable lie: that I would be contacted within 48 business hours about my issue.

Much to my surprise, my mother told me about a call that she took. Apparently the USPS finally got around to looking into the issue and had investigated the problem and cautioned the mail carriers about their conduct. A day later a letter came in the mail confirming that those responsible for the timely delivery of my mail were reprimanded.

The funny thing is that I probably caught their attention this time because in my passively aggressive complaint, I made a mention that I might as well put up video surveillance cameras to prove my point that they don’t even attempt a delivery. Whether or not this threat was taken seriously is debatable, but I am most certainly going to frame that letter. Not only did they document my complaint, they took action and actually provided a name to be held accountable.

Let’s just hope that I get my deliveries now.