The Shy One receives unsolicted advice on The Frisky

I was reading The Frisky (Dear Wendy: “The Only Guys I Attract Are My Best Friends’ Boyfriends”) out of random boredom. Just look at those comments.

I know that Internet trolling is probably as old as ARPANET (I kid, but you never know…), but these people sure have a lot of gall…it’s intensely irritating to me whenever people rail on someone asking for advice. These commenters are just absurdly rude. Self-absorbed? Telling someone to “chill the fuck out”? This is not constructive criticism. It’s called “just shitting on someone”.

Then there’s this: “Psych studies have been performed (I will post later) that suggest most men (>90%) seek out a partner less intelligent than them…” Well, “psych studies” don’t mean diddly. There’s been that “study” going around that say that most successful marriages show that the woman is smarter than the man. There’s always going to be some bullshit study that says one thing or another. Most of the time, these studies have such a small sample size that it’s statistically insignificant when you try to apply it to an entire population.

It’s also annoying to me how everybody likes to think that they are qualified to give advice. To be honest, most people are simply not. They can have all the experience in the world, but it takes a specific type of mind to dispense advice in a useful way. Amongst many other things, one must have the discipline to understand someone’s situation thoroughly before attempting to provide a solution. People are so quick to offer their two bits, especially when it’s unsolicited. Boy do I find unsolicited advice irksome. It’s insulting and forces the person receiving the advice into the difficult position of having to be polite. I find that those who perform society this unjustice are people who just like the sound of their own self-proclaimed wisdom. The saying goes, “Never give advice: fools don’t heed it, and the wise don’t need it,” and I think it’s served me quite well.

Then there’s the armchair psychologists who like to dissect the letter’s wordi ng and come to the conclusion that she is conceited or a narcissist. I wish people would just stop. Please, you are telling all of this from one letter? Judging one’s personality from a single letter, probably written in a state of discontent, is going to result in a flawed profile. There’s no two ways about it.

On another note, it’s a coincidence that I came across this article since I get lots of hits on my article about how a woman can move things along with a shy man. I also had an honest and realistic look at the circumstances factoring into my own singlehood. Perhaps the Shy One should spend some time introspecting: I don’t imagine it’s too difficult what with being shy.

Anyway, on the topic of asexuality. Being asexual is not exactly “anti-sex”. Of course, the term itself isn’t even all that well defined just yet. But to my understanding, being asexual is, at its most basic, simply having the lack of sexual desire or not acting on sexual impulses. Asexual people are not necessarily against sex. It’s just that sex is either the last thing they think about or something they don’t think about at all. Sexual desires may motivate others to chase the object of their desire, but not for an asexual person.

I personally am borderline asexual. If I never had sex again, it wouldn’t bother me in the least (hence making the possible decision to become a clergyman much easier). Sex is not what motivates me. Sex is like a luxury to me. I can do without it. And if I don’t ever have it again, I wouldn’t care. Whether this is a product of my self-induced transcendentalism or some other weirdness, I’m not sure, but I suspect it has to a lot to do with my refusal to become a slave to the basic instincts of the animalistic drives of humans.

I value and am attracted to intelligence and artistic qualities in women. And while I believe extroversion would balance out my own introversion, I have always been more attracted to quieter and more reserved women. Hmmm….does anyone have The Shy One’s number?

Thanks to Scott Snyde for the image.