I was so eager for her arrival, I cleaned up my room and cleared some space on my desk so that we’d have room to get to know each other. When she finally came, I opened up her box with care. I grazedmy fingers along the edges, fingering the groove to pry it open gently. I took her out. She was still wrapped in a styrofoam-like sleeve. I slid her out and inhaled. She smelled so fresh.
All that was needed for me to do was to untie her cable and snake it to the back. I plugged it in. The Num-Lock light came on. She was alive.
I started to type, and my oh my, the sounds of her operation were beautiful. Clickety clack, clackey click. I wanted to type just to feel the buttons go down under my fingers, to hear her work. She was so dark and sleek, so minimalist. Just the way I like them. She was beautiful all in her own right, no need for all that glitz and makeup. No flashy jewelry. She looked good in any light. I thought she was The One.Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. I found out that underneath all that beauty, she had a few problems that just weren’t going to just go away. She always made me fall asleep whenever I tried to switch away to a new tab. And in the rare event that I wanted to hold shift and press the plus sign, the equals sign, or some other less used keys, she would insist that a friend come along, like the letter K or the colon. Those guys are neighbors, a floor down or two, but I didn’t want them around everytime. I’m that way when it comes to friends: one at a time, no threesomes. Every time I looked for the plus sign, the curly right bracket would be there. It was so goddamned annoying.I thought it was just me. It wasn’t possible that this gorgeous product of Germany was flawed. It had to be me. But just to be sure, I had another friend by the name of Mr. HP Laptop take her out. Same problems.
I had to find another keyboard. I went out like a madman and quickly got with the SteelSeries one, the one in apartment 7G. It’s kind of like a blind date though…I’ve never seen her in person, not even in a video. I don’t know what she sounds like. She only has those prettied up pictures that make her look like everyone else. She’s not very fast either: she’s only got a USB 1.1 port. My pretty pretty German one has a 2.0. I can only hope that she sound and feels as good.
I guess that’s life…you can never count on her being the one. You can only let time and experience find out. I’m a little sad, but it’s okay. I can’t wait for my date on Saturday.
P.S. I’m not sure if Das Keyboard is natively German. I think she’s probably raised in Texas.