I am an incredibly giving and generous man, both emotionally and otherwise. If I have something, I will always share it when I can. I am always helping people to the best of my extent. When possible, I will usually accommodate people’s situations. I am for the most part diplomatic. I am the reliable go-to guy. But what happens when I say no? Fucking ingrates…
I try my best to be there for people. When somebody calls and I miss the call, I’ll check back with them in a timely fashion via a method of communication that is appropriate, be it a text, instant message, e-mail, or phone call. I don’t necessarily explain my “absence” every time, but if it’s appropriate, I will mention the reason and ask what they needed. Communication is important to me, and I conduct myself as such.
I suppose I spoil people in that aspect. Because the moment I am unable to help in some way, for whatever reason, I get an attitude from that person. People start to expect my help, and somehow they believe that they are entitled to it. Just because I am generous and helpful does not mean that I will help you every single goddamned time. I have a life of my own. I have feelings and moods as well. If I don’t really feel like helping at the moment, I should not be obliged to. Saying no should be expected so that if I say yes, you will be grateful that I agreed to assist you.People so often forget that my being helpful is a gift. It is not something that they are entitled to. It is not something that they can expect. My decision to help you with something is based on merit and my own mood. How dare you give me a fucking attitude after I decline to lend a helping hand? I do so much for everyone I know, and I practically never ask for anything. I give and give, and only rarely take. I am not bitter at not getting anything from the people I help: I help people because I can, and because it gives me satisfaction to know that I have bettered somebody’s life, no matter how small the act.
I do get bitter, however, that people give me shit when I say “no”. Fuck you. Who the fuck are you to judge me? With all the good deeds that I do for people, with all that I give and share with everyone, how dare you sneer at me or become appalled that I decline. Who the fuck are you to tell me that I should help? Let’s see what you’ve done for others. Even if you were a fucking saint, it’s not your place to say that I should help anyone. That is a personal decision of mine. I don’t need to have a good reason, even though I always have one. I simply don’t feel like it. How do you like them apples? The worst thing is when I ask for help and they hem and haw, grasping for an excuse. Fuck you pal. Sure, saying thank you is good, and having “thanks” in your heart is good. It’s good if all you’re worried about is getting brownie points with your god. But what about when I reach out for help, and you hesitate? Where is the gratefulness that you supposedly have? I never ask for something absurd. I’m not asking you to suck my dick or to clean my floors. So what the fuck is the problem? That you actually have to do something in return for everything you have taken from me? Yeah, that sounds about right.
People have terrible memories. How easily people forget just what I have done for them…how dare they ask for more and chastise me when I cannot give? What is my reward for caring and sharing? Being taken for granted. And people wonder why I’m angry and cynical…