Friends, the good ones, are the ones you can open up to, the ones who you can be honest with. Between good friends, there is no judgment, only acceptance and welcome. Recently, I’ve found that I canopen up to my friend Luanne more. I suppose it’s what you would call closeness. I am normally a pretty honest and open person, but past a certain point, I’ve found that I’m usually rather guarded. One example is my dreams. And particularly if they involve either Luanne or someone that Luanne knows.
Anyway, I had a conversation one night when she came to pick up some language learning software I had gotten for her. It brought to light a couple of things.
I noticed that when I emailed her about my dream, there was a small hesitation. Kind of like I was reluctant. I tried to figure out what it was. And I found that it was fear of judgment. But then I realized that I could trust Luanne.
Night time came, and she had responded to my email, analyzing my dream. I could never analyze dreams for diddly. A couple of hours later, she came to pick up the software and we chatted for a bit. She brought up that if I was interested in the girl in my dream, she’d fix us up. Let’s call this girl in my dream Alyx. Now, I had met Alyx at Luanne’s housewarming maybe two years back. I also went to see a movie with Alyx last year, The Bucket List. Luanne was supposed to watch it with her, but something came up and she didn’t want the ticket to go to waste, and also didn’t want Alyx to watch it alone. So being a dutiful friend, I obliged and went after work. I watched the movie with Alyx, made small talk. I tried to figure heroutas I always do with everyone I meet. Didn’t get much out of her, but she did cry during the movie. I don’t know if I can cry in public, but I do find myself getting emotional watching Family Matters lol…Anyway, that was the extent of my interaction with Alyx. Why she showed up in my dream was unknown to me. But back to my conversation. It occurred to me that I thought that Alyx was physically attractive. But the thing is that I’m never attracted to looks. That barely ever registers with me. It’s the personality that gets me. And since I didn’t know much about Alyx, I didn’t really feel comfortable stating my interest in her when Luanne asked. The funny thing is that I couldn’t really give her a straight answer. Luanne asked me point blank: do you want to go out with her? I hemmed and hawed. I was afraid to just say yes. Not afraid…but hesitant. I told her that even if I were interested, I couldn’t tell her straight up.But why can’t I? I think it’s time I find the gumption just to say yes. On one hand, I don’t like say that I’m interested. Hell, what do I know about her? It’s true, I prefer petite women, and usually I’m drawn to those who come from somewhere in Europe (that part’s probably more a cultural thing than anything else). But is that enough?
It should be. Shit, why not? What the hell, why shouldn’t I just go for it? It’s not like I’m making a goddamned decision to marry the girl right off the bat. I should listen to my own advice: you never know, and you gotta be in it to win it. I guess I’ll talk about it this Saturday when I’m escorting Luanne to some social event…