I got hit by a car and survived

Don’t worry folks, I’m not typing this from the hospital. Don’t forget, I’m invin­cible. Or just lucky.

I was on my way home. At this one corner an ex-friend (is that even a word?) and I had named “the hammer corner”, there was an inter­section. I stopped. A car also stopped at the crosswalk. I walked across, eager to get home to take a much needed nap in my new Brooks Brothers pajamas. And then I felt some­thing push up against my leg. That push turned into an hard shove against the right side of my knee. In my mind, I had just been aggres­sively acted against, and my survival instincts kicked in.

In a split second, I found myself auto­mat­i­cally grabbing at the hood of a beige sedan. I had appar­ently lost the use of my right leg for purposes of balancing: it was pushed out from under me. I sort of sat sideways on the hood briefly. The car jolted to a stop. I looked inside, expecting to see some maniac with crazy eyes. Funnily enough, it was an old Asian woman.

She got out of the car and exclaimed her apologies with a smile, as though she had just only spilled water on my shirt or stepped on my shoes. How did I feel though? Oddly enough, I was not angry. In fact, I didn’t really feel anything at all. Except for a very slight discomfort where the car hit my knee. Of course, in the interests of safety, I told her to watch out. I said this about a million times to the old Asian lady.

I have no clue how she hit me. She was at a full stop. I walked across, and I was right in the middle of the front of her car when she hit me. It wasn’t like I surprised her by rushing out into the street, running at full speed. I was walking. Slowly too (as anybody who knows me can attest to). Somehow, she just happened to accel­erate, smashing the front of her car into my right leg.

I told her to give me a ride home. It was only less than half a mile, but it was the least she could do for me. During the ride, she just kept up her cheer­iness, and all I could think about was how that could’ve been a little kid that got hurt. I just couldn’t believe it. Mixed into those thoughts were how beau­ti­fully I hoped my sleep would be tonight, with my newly procured set of Brooks Brothers pajamas. We drove by her house and she pointed it out, commenting how she lived in the neigh­borhood. She asked me how long I’ve lived in the neigh­borhood, and I told her that I was born and raised here.

I had the lady drop me off. And like the biggest dolt I can imagine, I left without getting any of her infor­mation: no insurance infor­mation, not even her license plate or phone number. All that was on my sleepy mind was the warm comforts of my blanket and the fresh set of pajamas I bought after I wandered through Central Park and ended up at Brooks Brothers. I walked into the doors of my home and settled down with a cup of True Blue­berry tea from Celestial Seasonings.

Only now did I realize that it could’ve been my meal ticket: I could’ve probably faked a serious injury and settled with the insurance company. It’s not hard to commit insurance fraud: you just have to commit to your lie. And for me, consid­ering that I spend all my free time indoors anyway, it wouldn’t be so hard to keep up appear­ances. I have no clue what amount I could settle for, but it would’ve probably been enough to pay off all of my debt.

The truth is that I felt no injury. Even right now, there is only a slight discomfort when I bend my knee at a very very specific angle. And although I’m sure I am merely using my masterful ability to justify my deeds, I don’t have the patience to go to doctors and fill out tons of paperwork and make long phone calls where they leave you on hold for half an hour. A legit­imate doctor would find that I have no serious injury and that I will be perfectly fine in a couple of days if I keep the weight off that leg anyway. Of course, that could mean I should be compen­sated for missed days of work…

The bottom line is that I hate dealing with insurance companies, espe­cially because they will fight you for every dime. Very little harm was done, and I got a ride home. If I wasn’t going to pull some insurance scam, then I doubt I would get enough money to make up for all the hassle of dealing with the insurance company myself. But I know that one of these days, when I wish I were rich, I know I’ll look back upon this incident as one those missed opportunities.