That special lady

It’s damn nearly 6AM and I can’t fall asleep. And it’s when I can’t fall asleep that I my mind starts wandering into dangerous territory. I started wondering about whether or not I’ll ever findthat special lady, whether or not I’ll ever find the right woman to marry…all sorts of bad things.

I’ve already written on my self-inflicted conundrum of not approaching women I don’t know. That is to say that I refuse to make any romantic advances (or even develop any romantic intentions) on a woman whom I know nothing about. Such actions predicated on superficial attraction are, in my book, not the right way to go about finding a woman of relationship potential. My attraction begins with a woman’s values.

What exactly am I looking for though? Time’s passage has since given me clarity on such things. The woman I’m looking for is fiercely loyal and has very good moral strength. She really ought to be a romantic who believes in the lofty notions of true and undying love, and preferably an idealist who believes in striving to reach those ideals, no matter how difficult it may be to run counter to popular society.Previously, these things were more fluid in my desires. I once believed that I wouldn’t mind a woman who had less strength and boldness, but I see now that I have very low tolerance for those who would bend in their code of conduct, for those who lack a sense of loyalty. These two characteristics are a deal breaker: I cannot be with a woman for the rest of my life unless she has, for the most part, an incorruptible sense of self.These ideals are of course ones that I embody myself. I seek a woman who is like myself. Loyalty is important. She must be loyal not only to me, but to her loved ones as well. Loyalty is a sign of moral character, and speaks to a sense of reverence for ties to those who are close to you. A woman who has the strength to be her true self is a woman who is honest and unwavering in her allegiances; she is someone whose actions are congruent with her ideal self.

I once dated a girl who was still trying to figure things out forherself.She let others define who she was and what she wanted. I thought I could be with someone like this, but it’s tiring to have to see her changing her mind on things from one day to the next. She questioned her own values – which were not unlike my own – and considered the advice of those whose values were not in line with hers. I found this to be quite foolish, and entirely unattractive.

I’m a man who knows myself. I know what I like, and I know what I want. Of course, I know now with a great deal of certainty what I want in a woman. The only issue here is that what I want is not so easy to find. Rare is the romantic idealist who believes in chastity, discretion, respect, courtesy, loyalty, and honesty. So rare is such a woman that I had resigned myself to accepting singlehood as a permanent state. While it is popular opinion that concessions should be made to allow for more flexibility in one’s dating prospects, these core values are not something I can compromise on. I don’t care so much whether or not a lady is well-read, whether she enjoys Broadway theatre, whether she has a good figure, or whether she cooks; by and large, these factors are immaterial to me. Because a relationship that lasts is based partly on mutual respect and admiration, I must look for qualities that I respect and admire. And as a man with incorruptible morals and ideals, the bar is set quite high.

I suppose that this new mandate makes it relatively easy for me in terms of dating. While I had previously considered relaxing my standards – and thusly creating a fluid and relatively indecisive calculation – I can now look first and foremost at two things: good strength of character and morals, and a solid sense of loyalty. Should my date exhibit that she lacks in either of those, such a mindset will aid in a swift and precise decision on whether or not I should expend any further efforts pursuing her.

Now, all I have to do is go out there and actually find a woman who’s like me. No small task, considering my inflexible and slightly anachronistic values. Oh well, such is life.

  • Guest

    Really can't agree with you more! I am much younger than you are – about to turn 22 this month. But still I hardly find a single girl who meets up my 'criterion'. Someone who can decide for herself, has a strong personality, is honest and open-minded, dignified and would be loyal to me. 

    Looks don't matter but I prefer someone sweet-looking. Amazingly, the looks part aside, I have hardly met someone even close to what I hope for! Or else I might as well start accepting the permanence of my single status.

    • I am only 25 my friend!  I have been told though that, in my writing, I sound as if I were a much older man.

      I find that, if it is not an overwhelming thought, it is best to prepare for the worst: that you may not find the right woman.  Of course, to constantly focus on this thought is, I find, a toxic mindset.  For me, I find it helpful to be positive and hopeful, while keeping in the back of your mind that a woman with such qualities is rare.  

      Ultimately, we are still relatively young, no matter how we may feel.  Time will tell, and we can only keep trying.  Good luck to you.  If you wish to talk some more, you know where to find me!