Ruminations of romance, lingerings of love

To know love, be like a running brook, which deaf, yet sings its melody for others to hear. Feel the pain of too much tenderness. Awake at dawn with a winged heart and gives thanks for yet another day of loving. Empty yourself and yet be filled. An old man tells you this is how to know love.
-Master Po, Kung Fu

Yes, I am young. Indeed, my life is only beginning. But as one matures, there are just some things that are undeniable and unquestionable: feelings of the heart are such things.

Sometimes, we see couples and think to ourselves, “What does he see in her?” (Well, in my experience, it is often the other way around, but that’s beside the point.) We even know such couples. We might justify that he’s really romantic; he’s easy to talk to; he’s compassionate; he’s very loving; he’s got a big heart; he’s funny; he’s smart; he’s supportive and very understanding. But what I realized that there are others out there who could easily provide the same things. What is it about that one true love? I do not believe that it can be justified or explained. Such qualities are elusive and intangible. It can be neither seen nor heard, and it cannot be felt outside the bond between the two.I have never felt that instinct to protect and to provide for a woman except with that one special one. Yes, I have had instances where I was intrigued by a woman, perhaps I even liked them, on occasion I even felt attracted to her. Crushes and states of limerance came and went, even instances of lust. But, as I have quoted Stosny before, there came that moment in which my desire to be loved fell away, and my instinct to love became incredibly prominent. The need to give affection and to make a woman feel safe and happy…to provide her with a sense of security and for her to know a deep and pure love…all of this arose when I met her. I felt that it was natural to be so devoted and committed: it was unforced and easy. Though I was not blindly loyal, I felt the natural urge to remain devoted, even in the face of all those who believed otherwise. Should I experience these emotions again, then it will not have been a true love that I felt. But should I move through my life never to experience it again, despite being untethered and emotionally available, then I will know that it was indeed love. And therein lies the fear: will I never find true love again?I believe in the quoted interpretation of love as it fit with what I had known. As a young man with little experience in the way of love and relationships, it is immensely hard to know if what I felt was love…but I believe in putting a great deal of faith in one’s heart. I believe that the heart knows what the heart wants.