A beautiful woman with a voluptuous figure passes by on the street. She gets looks from all the men within a twenty yard radius. Tom thinks, “Man, look at thatfine ass. I wanna fuck her from behind.” Nick thinks, “Hubba hubba, I wonder what it’d be like to see those tits bouncing when she’s riding me on top!” Alex thinks, “Those are some great cock sucking lips if I ever saw a pair.” I think to myself, “I wonder what it’d be like to hold her in my arms, to have look intensely into her eyes and have her smile a smile that’s just for me.”
Excuse my crude words, but let’s be frank: a lot of men will think those thoughts, some even more unclean than what I’ve written. As for my own thoughts, that is the God’s honest truth: breasts and buttocks are but mere physical attributes to me, nothing but a product of genetics and diet, and lifestyle.
Just as Andy Holland is no virgin, I too have lost my v-card. The truth is, I realized that sex is nothing but a distraction to me. What I really search for is an emotional connection with a woman. Instead, I seek sexual endeavors as a way to fill that void. Taking a page out of Palahniuk’s Choke (if my memory serves me correctly, which it often doesn’t), the resolution of sex is a moment of utter ignorance, free from any wandering thoughts. Your mind is focused (or unfocused ) on that particular moment, and all the baggage you have drops away, just for a while.
And in this way, I claim to be asexual. Not a full fledged one, but to a certain degree. I wouldn’t mind if my girlfriend was asexual. Sexuality is not what drives my actions, and it does not affect the way I behave. A sexually attractive women garners no more attention to me than another woman who’s less so. And since the article addresses the issue of masturbation, let it be known that jerking off is a biological function to me. There, I said it.
In a way, I have a more feminine mind: I seek an emotional connection. I’m not particularly afraid of sex. And I would do it with my girlfriend if it’s what she wanted. But I certainly wouldn’t mind very much if we just sat on a couch watching TV, cuddling (word number 2449 that I hate and avoid using) in each others arms, a sense of comfort, love, and adoration between us. I would like that very much, to enjoy such serenity and tenderness.
But even so, I know there are plenty of women with a bigger sexual appetite. So perhaps it’s not so much a feminine mind than an asexual mind. Where sexual attraction drives many people’s behaviors, both men and women, I am free of such compulsions. I simply am not wired that way.
I think asexuality needs to be examined more carefully. And I don’t think it’s as clear cut a homosexuality or bisexuality. It seems to be that asexuality isn’t simply the absence of sexuality, but something much more complex. But then again, all things human can be rather complicated.