Dating is not for me. It is an unnatural construct that takes both parties out of context. I have reconfirmed my strong belief of being friends with someone before engaging in a romantic relationship.

Theway of the Tao
is repugnant
to the greedy,
but a joy
to the humble.

The Tao
is obscure
to the ambitious,
but clear and glorious as sunrise
to the gentle.

The Tao
is folly and suffering
to those dedicated to illusion,
but to those that have traversed
the valley of disillusionment,
the Tao
wisdom and joy.

By first establishing a platonic relationship, you will discover your potential romantic partner’s true nature, unfettered by things such as image management and information control. Where interest lies, honor dies. It goes for the process of dating as well. When there is the intention of attraction, there is certain to be a modification to the behavior and natural flow of things. To the right are a few passages from the Tao Te Ching that helped me to remind me of my own philosophy of the absence of willfulness.

Sure, for a great romantic relationship, attraction needs to exist. But a relationship must be based on more than just attraction. A strong understanding of each others personalities must form the foundation of the relationship. Compatibility is paramount. 

By going out on a date, either one or both parties have intentions of attracting the other. A date implies the opportunity for romantic attraction, and the minute that one enters into the mindset of dating, willfulness begins. This sets off the beginning of an illusion, and every step down this path up until a certain point is an act. The parties engage in games of control and attempt to achieve an end goal. How many times has a man lied to a woman about his employment or his car? How many times has a woman lied about how many previous relationships she’s been in? How many times have you heard the the same story of how the man is no longer the man she married?

Fuck the games. Fuck the lies. Fuck the acts that everyone puts up, fuck the intentions. Fuck the facades, fuck wasting my time. Why subject myself to this artificial structure of courtship? I hate using the term soulmate, but why not take the time to find your soulmate through friendship? With a strong basis of friendship, the relationship is based on very solid ground. 

I suppose this is why I’m such a huge fan of films like Some Kind of Wonderful. Watts and Keith are already friends. It is a powerful film, and I felt that it was intensely touching to see them end up together, to see their platonic love become realized into a deeply romantic bond. What more perfect a union is there than that of the transcendence of best friends to lovers?

No longer am I going to participate in such a contrived activity as dating. If I get to know a woman, and we befriend each other, and romance happens to come along for the ride, then so be it. Otherwise, I shall let the chips fall where they may. I have renounced dating in all its traditional methods and implications. I have renewed my trust and faith in humility and action without action. The Tao Te Ching reminds me how happy I am when I am at peace with myself.