Dating is dishonest

Dating is not for me. It is an unnatural construct that takes both parties out of context. I have recon­firmed my strong belief of being friends with someone before engaging in a romantic relationship.

By first estab­lishing a platonic rela­tionship, you will discover your potential romantic partner’s true nature, unfet­tered by things such as image management and infor­mation control. Where interest lies, honor dies. It goes for the process of dating as well. When there is the intention of attraction, there is certain to be a modi­fi­cation to the behavior and natural flow of things. To the right are a few passages from the Tao Te Ching that helped me to remind me of my own philosophy of the absence of willfulness.

Sure, for a great romantic rela­tionship, attraction needs to exist. But a rela­tionship must be based on more than just attraction. A strong under­standing of each others person­al­ities must form the foun­dation of the rela­tionship. Compat­i­bility is paramount.

By going out on a date, either one or both parties have inten­tions of attracting the other. A date implies the oppor­tunity for romantic attraction, and the minute that one enters into the mindset of dating, will­fulness begins. This sets off the beginning of an illusion, and every step down this path up until a certain point is an act. The parties engage in games of control and attempt to achieve an end goal. How many times has a man lied to a woman about his employment or his car? How many times has a woman lied about how many previous rela­tion­ships she’s been in? How many times have you heard the the same story of how the man is no longer the man she married?

Fuck the games. Fuck the lies. Fuck the acts that everyone puts up, fuck the inten­tions. Fuck the facades, fuck wasting my time. Why subject myself to this arti­ficial structure of courtship? I hate using the term soulmate, but why not take the time to find your soulmate through friendship? With a strong basis of friendship, the rela­tionship is based on very solid ground.

I suppose this is why I’m such a huge fan of films like Some Kind of Wonderful. Watts and Keith are already friends. It is a powerful film, and I felt that it was intensely touching to see them end up together, to see their platonic love become realized into a deeply romantic bond. What more perfect a union is there than that of the tran­scen­dence of best friends to lovers?

No longer am I going to partic­ipate in such a contrived activity as dating. If I get to know a woman, and we befriend each other, and romance happens to come along for the ride, then so be it. Otherwise, I shall let the chips fall where they may. I have renounced dating in all its tradi­tional methods and impli­ca­tions. I have renewed my trust and faith in humility and action without action. The Tao Te Ching reminds me how happy I am when I am at peace with myself.