Luanne
I have the habit of wearing black. I’ve been told that I remind them of Johnny Cash when they see me in a particular outfit I have. Some think my style of dress is somber, some think it’s slick. Some think it’s boring, others think I’m a goth (they are thoroughly misinformed about what it is to be ‘goth’).
I was going clothes shopping at the local mall. My good friends Susie and Luanne were with me. It was a rare occasion, and I really enjoyed being with both of my friends at the same time. I only wished it happened more often. I was going to the mall to pick up another J. Ferrar half-zip sweater. I absolutely loved it. What color was it? None other than the classic black.
See, I already had one at home. But the thing is, when I see something I like, I stick with it. This goes for everything: shoes, shirts, coats, food, electronics, and even people. I am a man of loyalty. So when I found this sweater, I knew I had to at least pick up one more, just in case the first one got ruined.
I remembered precisely where I had first picked up the sweater, so I walked straight there. Luanne saw me reaching for a black one, and she exclaimed, “Another black one! You’ve got way too many black clothes mister! You need something with color.” I tried to debate my stance on black, about how black worked with both pants and jeans, etc. Of course, Luanne is a force of nature, and I was lucky enough to make a concession with her: I’ll buy a black one for backup, and a burgundy one as well.
I was hesitant at first. I put it up on myself and looked down. Color? On me? It was a new sight, odd in my eyes. I knew it wouldn’t work with my jeans, but I always liked deep reds. I agreed that I would get the burgundy sweater. Luanne made me a promise: “You’re going to meet the girl of your dreams in that sweater.” She complimented me on how good it looked, commenting about how women like color and that all-black was not good for dating.
One day, I got an email from Chemistry.com. Apparently, a certain Katie was interested in me! I was naturally slightly excited. We went through the guided process and got around to emailing each other. Not being one for endless email exchanges, I suggested we meet in person.
I was reminded of my red sweater when I begun the process of choosing the outfit I would wear on my date with Katie. I’m not a particularly superstitious person. But consider how little control I have over my romantic affairs. Everything else in life I have a fair degree of control over. I can excel in my academics if I chose to. I can obtain a good job using my skills and my ability to sell myself. Most every other aspect of my life can be directed as I wish, so long as I am willing to put the work in. Romance on the other hand, is much trickier. And as such, I took a “why not?” approach to things. I could use all the luck and other cosmic forces on my side as I could gather. I decided to wear my red sweater.
Katie and I decided on a Saturday at 4PM. We were going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I had told her to meet at the top of the stairs but to call me when she was there. I arrived early and went to the top of the stairs. It was getting awfully crowded, people bustling in and out of the doors. So I went down to the bottom of the steps, away from all the foot traffic. I figured she’d call me when she got there.
4:15PM. I was thinking, where is this girl? So I text her, “Hey Katie, it’s Wistful Writer from Chemistry. I’m here at the museum. If you’re running late or can’t make it, let me know. Thanks.” I mill around the area some more, taking in the nice weather and watching the performers.
In short, I ended up leaving at 4:45PM. I called her and left her a voice message, “Hey Katie, it’s Wistful Writer from Chemistry. We were supposed to meet at the museum today. I waited 45 minutes, didn’t see you so I left. If you wanna reschedule, let me know. If not, well, see you around then. Bye.” It was all very even-toned. I think I took it pretty well, considering that I thought I got stood up. I made my way to the subway station and go home.
I get out of the subway station and lo and behold I have a text from Katie. The short of it is that she felt terrible about the whole thing. She left her phone at work, and was looking for it. She abandoned the search figuring she didn’t want to be late for our date. I asked her if she wanted to reschedule, but didn’t get a response.
I sent her an email as a gentle reminder to let me know when would work for her. She got back to me midnight on Sunday and apologized for the delay as she didn’t know her schedule off the top of her head. We rescheduled for Saturday at 5PM (this last Saturday that just passed).
We met on East 77th Street and Fifth Avenue, by the park. She arrived in a timely fashion. I was looking at my phone when I heard a girl say, “Wistful Writer?” It was Katie. She had on a beige trenchcoat and those big sunglasses. I smiled and then there was that usual slightly awkward uncertainty of whether to go for a hug or shake hands. I just went for a hug, but I wasn’t sure if that was something she was accustomed to.
We made our way to the museum. After we got through the bag check, we went towards the entrance to the exhibits. The security officers were vigilant though and exercised good access control. They told us we needed the green pins. We get to the admission kiosk and show our student IDs. I didn’t notice that she had taken out her debit card at first, and I handed over a $20 bill, covering both of us. Katie seemed a little surprised, and said, “Oh, you’re paying for both of us?” I smiled and told her, “Of course, I’m traditional that way.” To which she commented, “That’s good, you never know nowadays.”
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Odds are you’ll be wearing black.
Good to hear that things went well. Goodluck with this one.
As an introvert myself, I can definitely relate to how hard it is to establish a connection with people.
I used to be a big black clothing guy myself cause it was simple and seemed like a safe choice for a guy. But I’ve slowly been breaking out of that pattern. Try dark earthy colors like dark green brown, then you can go with their complementary colors for a nice contrast, i.e., dark brown with light blue.
Also, I found it hilarious how you quoted, “Katie seemed a little surprised, and said, ‘Oh, you’re paying for both of us?’ I smiled and told her, ‘Of course, I’m traditional that way.’ To which she commented, ‘That’s good, you never know nowadays.’”
Anyway, good read, hope to hear more about this later.
As usual, thanks for your readership my friend.
I’ve relegated myself to dark red, dark blue, the occasional light blue, and shades of gray. I never really saw it as a question of fashion safety though: if I wanted to wear magenta, I’d do it lol. Rather, black suits my preference to remain unseen and forgettable. Of course, sometimes wearing all black can actually make you more noticeable, but that usually only results when you’re interacting with people enough that they notice you wear all black on repeated occasions.
I like my new quotation thingamabobs lol
I never heard back from Katie. It’s unfortunate, and I do question just why a girl would give me a kiss on the cheek if she had no intentions to see me again. But it’s alright, there plenty of fish in the sea, though I am wistful that she didn’t wish to see me again: it’s not often you make that connection. I’ve only had such a privilege once, with Malissa (not that I’m hung up on her in the least).
Occasionally, I will fret over the fact that I’ve never had the pleasure of being in a rewarding and meaningful relationship with the right kind of girl. After all, I’m getting old. At least that’s how I feel some of the time.
Then I remind myself that I am perfectly happy being single. That I don’t need a woman to complete me. Honestly, at times when I feel weak, I have to remind myself of that repeatedly. But my pining for romance usually subsides after a couple of days, sometimes a week. And then it’s back to normal: going to class, eating, sleeping, writing my screenplay/novel, consuming television shows and movies, reading on my Kindle….
I don’t know if you’re actively searching for a partner yourself, but I hope your matters of romance are more successful than mine. For me….well, the search goes on. And I say this with my head held high.
By safety, I guess I meant the same thing you mean. I don’t like attracting attention to myself either, though I remember when I was a teen and thought it was cool to sport unusual clothing and colors. These days, I prefer a more subtle and sophisticated style with dark, earthy colors. Something that doesn’t stand out, yet has its own depth when focused on.
It is unfortunate that you didn’t hear back from her. I wonder what happened myself. Perhaps it is one of those “human” things, where it’s hard to sour things with the awkwardness of the truth and one simply feels compelled to be social and just be “nice.” I mean, it’s pretty hard, to tell someone in person that you don’t like them. It’s far easier to lie than having to deal with whatever reaction might result from the truth.
In that case, I don’t think anyone is to be blamed. It could be percieved as discourteous, but then again, from another angle, it could be seen as courteous enough to save the other party from the sudden and on the spot realization that the date was a failure. Rather, these things happen, they happen all the time and it’s just unfortunate.
Yet, one shouldn’t stop because of a few failures. I’m reminded of a saying, “People who are successful are successful because they’ve gone through many failures and did not give up.” I’m paraphrasing it, but you get the point. Failures and mistakes are bound to happen in any endeavor- I’m glad that you aren’t giving up.
As for myself, I am not compelled to seek romance at this point in my life. I’m at, I guess what you can call, a low point. To put it bluntly, I’m simply too poor at the moment to afford a girl nor do I have the competitive value I need. Sex, on the other hand, is another story, but is few and far between.
But in all seriousness, I suppose I face some of the same challanges as yourself. As an introvert, it is hard to establish a meaningful connection with someone, and for me, it is not so much sharing feelings of “love”, but being able to relate intellectually and philosophically. To make things worse, well, girls are our age are just dumb and immature.
That is why in most cases, they are nothing more but sex objects to me. Maybe a bit misogynistic sounding, but I’m not a politically correct guy.
See, the thing that I find absurd is that she had an opportunity to leave early. She checked her phone at one point, which I didn’t take to be offensive considering this day and age. She mentioned how her employees (she’s a manager at a retail place) are always bothering her. She could’ve easily said that she had to check a voicemail and then left, saying that she had to rush in to work. She could’ve done a million other things to get out of the date. When I asked her if she’d like to get something to eat, she could’ve just said that it’s getting late and that she’s really busy. A million things. I like to give my dates an out. I provide them (though not overtly) opportunities to leave. But somehow, they stick around till the end of the date.
The other thing that I find most irksome, discourteous, and disrespectful: never replying to me. The least you can do if I took you out on a date is give me the respect of even just emailing me and telling me that you didn’t feel a connection, but thank you for the good time. Whatever happened to common courtesy and respect? I’ve only ever had one person decline a meeting with me respectfully, and she was 26. Fucking young people…
I know the saying you’re talking about…and I don’t really view these as failures in any light. Rather, what happened happened. I don’t find a need to define it as either success or failure. It is what it is. Even so, I’m starting to feel as if I should just forget about actively pursuing a romantic relationship. Forget the willfulness and follow the way of the Tao. Or some nonsense like that.
Competitive value? I have a very strong opinion on that my friend. Fuck the girls who won’t be with a guy if he lives at home, doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a “good job”. So long as a man’s got ambition and potential, that’s all that should matter. Unless the guy’s in his mid 30s and still working at Radio Shack. That’s different. But otherwise, she’s not the kind of woman I want. I want a woman who wants to be with me, and not my car, my apartment, or my job. I want a woman who wants what is truly unique about me. I don’t give a shit if a girl is overweight or too tall or too short or too skinny, or if she doesn’t have college degree or if she works a dead end job. All that flies out the window: I care about seeing the core of the woman: what makes her tick, what makes her happy and sad, what makes her laugh. These little things are what I fall in love with, not some grandiose notion that she is the paragon of femininity.
And in that way, I suppose I am a hopeless romantic. Ricky Nelson said, “A heart that’s true and longs for you / is all I have to give.” A woman who sees the value in that lyric is the woman I want. Sure, it’d be great to have a car and your own place and all that. But that can disappear in two fucking seconds. Any woman judging the ‘value’ of a man in those terms can go pound sand. She’s a fucking dolt in my book.
For me, I find that I’m attracted to women who have the same values that I have, so I suppose it’s similar to your situation: where you like to relate intellectually and philosophically, I like to relate on a similar level. And how right you are, that girls our age are idiots. The curse of being smart I suppose…others don’t know any better.
lol, fuck being politically correct. That’s the kinda shit I like to hear, it makes the world all the more colorful and interesting lol.
Well, I’m not sure if lack of courtesy is exclusively a young people’s problem. I have a suspicion that it is laziness that’s at work here. Writing an email, making a call- they take an investment of energy, however little it is, why bother when there’s no point? I suppose thats the reasoning behind it. But you’re right, in that case, it is discourteous. If I was feeling particularly malicious, I’d sign them up for spam.
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to get across when wrote that quote, or perhaps I just didn’t communicate it effectively. Let me rephrase and elaborate: it is not so much a failure (even though it really is,) as it is a learning experience. The emphasis is not on failure, it is that you still got something out of it. Look at it optimistically.
As for competitive value, I understand your position on it very well, having read your posts on the matter. Initially, I was going to write a long ass essay on why women have every right to be picky, on biological, and essentially, logical grounds. But you know what? Screw that. I think you already know why women are choosey. Men are too. I am too. You’ve already pointed out that you’re an exception.
And with that established, I really can’t say much for you. I can only speak for myself- I like beautiful women more than anything else. Call me superficial, but I don’t see why I should settle for anything less and be suckered, if I am going to work my ass off to become successful. Do I care about a woman’s personality and values? Of course I do! But they’ve gotta be good looking, because that is first and foremost, what makes a woman.
It’s late. I spent an unusually long amount of time writing very little in this reply and I’m pretty fatigued. I’m sure I’ve missed quite a few important points- but it’s clear that we have pretty different beliefs on the matter. I can only hope that you find what you are looking for, and as for myself, I’m not that bothered. The only thing that bothers me is that socioeconomic stratification exists, but I also realize that it’s a fact of life… and that’s why I’ve gotta be a man and work my ass off to get what I want.
Right you are friend…at the end of the day, it boils down to my idealism and refusal to bend to what I deem to be the bullshit system that runs the world. Shall I become a martyr? Perhaps. I don’t know if it’s worth it…but therein lies the difficulty of life: making decisions whose outcome cannot be seen for an undetermined length of time.